Writing

Writing is a very difficult thing in many ways. Not only is it difficult to transfer thoughts onto paper- I mean finding the right string of words and phrases to adequately animate a series of complex emotions, thoughts, and completely abstract ideas is hard enough, but I’ve always found that writing also carries a very personal difficulty. 

In many ways when I sit down to write, I am sitting down in an attempt to share a piece of my soul with the world. I don’t think anyone who has written something they truly care about can honestly say they feel any different. Writing is not only something that happens externally, but like nearly any piece of art, it is something we create to share with others a piece of what happens inside of us. 

I’ve often felt I am not a terribly open person. I find it rather difficult to be vulnerable or open with people around me. This lack of vulnerability does not stem from a desire to shut everyone out, but rather, because of my sensitivity and love for others, I care immensely about their opinion. In this sense, writing is excruciatingly difficult. It is my one opportunity to bring others into my world. By sharing my writing, I often hope to by pass the barriers surrounding typical relationships and introduce people into my world in a very personal way. It is an opening up of myself in a way that simply is not possible any other way.

However, along with this opening comes certainly challenges. What if I’m not good enough? What if I am unable to clearly communicate the ideas I have? Or worse yet, what if the piece of my soul that I am attempting to share is trite, archetypal, cliche, and of no interest to anyone else? Just like every writer, I have a dream. I want to use my words, share them in a way that will inspire others. To carry them to a far off world, help them explore their own to a greater level or come to a greater understanding of the beautiful complexities of human nature. In short, I want to change the world. 

I guess that’s a little presumptuous. I mean, go big or go home, but seriously?!?! Change the world? Yeah- that’s my goal. I’ve never really done it before. But that is what I would like to do. I see so much in this world, and I can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe I can contribute something that will last. Something that will be worthwhile, something great. 

But then what if I don’t? What if, as I mentioned before, my ideas are mediocre, trite and not worth sharing? What do I do then? 

I think that’s the scariest part of writing. It isn’t receiving a harsh grade on a paper, or finding out that you really don’t know how to place your commas. Its because it is about wrestling with yourself. Wrestling who you are with who you hope you are and who you fear you are, and hoping, praying that somehow, between all that wrestling, and all of that practice, that who you hope to be is who you really are and you weren’t blindly wrestling with impossibilities the entire time.

And that is why writing is so difficult. Of course, I daresay, if it were easy, everyone would be doing it.